Dance Nights

I'm a terrible dancer.


Not kind of bad, really bad.  Think Kate from Dancing with the Stars, or Elaine from Seinfeld and you'll get an idea of my dance ability.  Not being a great dancer has never stopped me from breaking out into random dance moves.  Often times, I will put on my IPod, or turn the stereo up and have my own dance party. 

My husband isn't a great dancer either so I don't feel that I am holding him back.  On our wedding day, we stumbled through U2's All I Want is You.  As awkward as it was, it was the best six minutes of my wedding day.  Because even though I can't dance, I love to dance.

Early in our marriage money was tight.  Music and dance became a way for the family have fun and connect.  We would have Friday night dance parties with the kids.  It was so cute to watch our little blond ragamuffins dancing to their favourite songs.  Later, once the kids were put to bed, the tempo would slow, and the music would get turned down. John and I would have the dance floor to ourselves.  Our Friday night dance parties are some of my sweetest memories of our life together. 

We still have family dance parties, they are just more random now.  Just the other evening we cranked up the tunes and danced for an hour or so.  My boys and I cut up the rug.  The Kid and her Dad didn't get up to bust a move, but I could tell that they were both enjoyed the nostalgia of the moment.  The evening ended with a slow dance.  Charlie and I danced to  U2's One. 

Our dance parties that remind me how sweet life is.  I will hold these memories close to my heart forever.  I have blessed - with two left feet and a family loves my quirky moves.

15/365 - 24/365 ~ Project 365

15/365 - April 8 - Stop Light - Sometimes being forced to come to a halt is a good thing.

16/365 - April 9 - Sunday Morning - After sleeping in on Sunday, I walked by my room.  The bed still unmade and the sun shining in - something about it made my heart smile and I had to get a picture.

17/365 - April 10 - The Squirt - Not only did The Little Man water the bushes, he also washed my van with his new squirt gun.

18/365 - April 11 - Frozen in Time - It was a windy day.  I kept thinking it would rain, but the wind pushed the rain clouds away.  I spent the afternoon on the back deck, cleaning and putting together our little fountain.  Charlie helped me place the rocks.  When I thought about what I wanted to remember about this day, I knew it would be the time we spent on the deck.  The Little Man and I have spent so many afternoons on our back deck.  Next year when he is in school full time, our quiet afternoons together will be over.  It makes me wish that I had the superpower to stop time.  Like the way the water in the fountain is frozen in time, caught midair with the click of my shutter.  

19/365 - April 12 - Reflections - Picture Inspiration asked us to look for and capture an image of a reflection - without actually capturing the object itself.  This is a picture of the tree in my backyard reflected on the patio table.  I hate these trees.  They are dead, and need to be taken down, but finances have not allowed it.  Somehow, reflected in the table, the lines of the bare branches transform.  They become graceful.  It's another reminder of how a change in your outlook, can be all you need to discover gifts normally unseen.

20/365 - April 13 - Napping in the Sun - Is anything  better than an afternoon nap in the sun?  Okay, I can think of lots of things too, but you have to admit this pretty little kitty sure looks peaceful. 

21/365 - April 14 - House of Cards - While I was stripping wallpaper, John was going through some of his Gramma's things.  He came across this deck of cards he remembered from his childhood.  His grandparents moved these cards from their old apartment in Port Credit more than twenty years ago. 

22/365 - April 15 - His Riches -  I walked by the Little Man's room to find that he had dumped his piggy bank.  I wondered what his plans were for his money.  When his Dad got home from work, Charlie said to his dad, "Hey Dad, I got us some money to go to slushie store."  A sure sign of spring; after dinner walks to the corner store to buy slushies.

Playing House - the reality.

The ache for home lives in all of us,

the safe place where we can go

as we are and not be questioned.

-Maya Angelou

  

Like many little girls, my favourite game to play was house. Taking care of my family of Cabbage Patch Kids, brought me such joy. I spent many hours imagining what my home would look and feel like. My reality - my grown up home, is so much sweeter than anything I could have dreamt up in my childhood games.   I have been blessed.  Hopefully for many years to come my reality will be better than my dreams, but life moves on.

Yesterday, we moved Gramma into long term care.  My head knows that this is what is best for her, but my heart aches for her.  

My heart is breaking for the little girls inside all of us women who played house and dreamed about our futures. 

This wasn't part of her dream.  It's not part of any of our dreams.   

This is what I've been thinking about as I strip the wallpaper in her apartment.  I am stripping away the layers of her dreams.  Crazy, I know - but still part of me feels guilty.  I don't think that the guilt is a bad thing. I believe that my feelings of guilt are there for a reason.  The guilty feelings sit on my shoulder like a conscience.  Not heavy or too much to bear, but a comfortable weight, just enough to help keep me in check.  The weight reminds me to give the job, Gramma, her apartment and her possessions the respect and consideration that is deserved.   

My hope is that Burloak will soon become more than a residence for Gramma.  A safe community where she has all she needs to thrive.  My hope is that Burloak becomes her home - maybe not one that dreamed for herself, but one better than any of her wildest dreams. 

Our home

Our current home is the  fith place we have lived together.

I wonder where the future will take us?

Seriously?!?

"Guess what today is?  It has to do with me, and buying me presents." 

 That's what my son's friend called out when he came over after school today. 

  Seriously? 

This from the kid, who didn't invite Josh to his party. 

This from the kid who comes to my home everyday after school.

This from the kid who has been Josh's best friend since grade two. 

I can be the adult here.

If Josh can take it with a grain of salt, then I can too.

"Happy Birthday Joe."

There I did it.

With steam coming out of my ears, but I did it.

"Did you get me anything?" he asked.

You've got to be kidding me.

Why is he poking Mama Bear?

"Did you invite me to your party?"
There goes my adult card.

"No."

"Did you invite me to your party" pipes up my son.

"No."

"Then no, I didn't get you anything."

geesh.

2/365 - 14/365

2/365 - March 25 -Focus - The Little Man has been loving craft time lately.  Almost everyday he is asking to do a craft.  Figures, I move the craft cupboard off the main floor and he all of a sudden wants to do crafts every chance he gets.  

3/365 - March 26 - Nap Time - Hubby taking a well deserved nap.  He has been working crazy hours.  It worries me when he works his body so hard. 

3/365 - March 27 - Birds of a Feather - The birds are back!  I love to hearing the birds singing.  Their songs are especially cheerful in the spring when the mister birds are looking for a lady bird to hook up with. 

4/365 - March 28 - Violets - I love gardening, but in my current home the light is poor and my inside plants don't do well.  These violets are a new addition, purchased to bring a little spring into my house.  I hope they live past spring, but it's doubtful. 

5/365 - March 29 - To Infinity and Beyond - Playing around with depth of field, as part of my Picture Inspiration class. 

6/365 - March 30 - Reflection of Me - In my new candlesticks, a birthday present from John.  Thanks babe, xo

7/365 - March 31 - Drops of Rain -

8/365 - April 1 - Fooling Around - Actually I was practicing for my photo shoot.  The kids were at school, and the cats wouldn't sit still so I used leftover balloons from my birthday. 

9/365 - April 2 - Pretty Boy - Today was the big photo shoot day.  The family asked me not to post pictures online.  I totally understood, but I was a little disappointed.  Instead I'm counting this one of Sam as my 365.  Isn't he pretty?

10/365 - April 3 - SNOW?!? - Okay, enough already.  I am so done with winter and white stuff falling from the sky.  I can only hope it melts fast.

11/365 - April 4- Go Fish - Today was Monday, and you know what that means?  Crafts with the Little Man.  Today we made paper fish, and went fishing. 

12/365 - April 5 - Sailboat Reflection - This weeks prompt for Picture Inspiration had us looking to capture reflections.  Not just the reflection, but the object + the reflection.  There were so many beautiful images in the gallery.  Here is one of my attempts.  I have tried lots of different ideas for the Reflection prompt, but I'm not thrilled with any of them.  I'll try again tomorrow. 

13/365 - April 6 - Evening on the Water - John and I went to visit Gramma tonight.  Park Manor is just steps away from my high school, and Lasalle Park Marina - my old stomping grounds, so to speak.  Even though we were running late, I asked if we could stop by the Marina before going to see Gramma.  I wanted to try once more for a killer reflection shot.  With John waiting in the running car, I jumped out to grab a few shots.   Geese hold special meaning to my family, and I am pretty happy with this shot.   

14/365 -April 7 - The View - I went to Gramma's old apartment today to start the task of stripping wallpaper.  I'm pretty sure that this statue is the real reason Gramma has been reluctant to move in the past. 

Rolling In The Deep

Just wanted to share my new favourite song.  Not only is the song great, but the black and white cinematography in the studio footage video is awesome.  enjoy.

Perfect

I have a great opportunity.  On Saturday, I will do my first photo shoot with strangers.  Seven cousins, a portrait that will be a father's day gift for grandpa - the only gift he has asked for the only thing he wants.  It scares the crap out of me.

So badly I want things to go perfect.  I want it so bad that I am afraid of failure.  Terrified of not getting the perfect picture, not being the perfect photographer of letting down these strangers, letting down myself and my dream.

Its been a long time since I did a family portrait.  I did a fall family portrait for myself.  It was a huge fail.  I had trouble with lighting, trouble with focus and depth of field.  The whole experience left me feeling like a fake. 

This holiday season, I declined my sister-in-law.  She asked me to do a family portrait for her and I knew that I didn't have it in me. I couldn't bear to fail again, to be less than perfect, so I declined her request for a family portrait. 

I almost declined this request too.  It means a lot to this family of strangers.  Two of the seven cousins are visiting from out west, this photo shoot isn't a once in a lifetime deal, but certainly once in a long time.  

I've worked out the focusing issues.  I've had the camera sensor and lenses cleaned.  I have practiced with bouncing flash.  I've thought about composition and poses. 

Technically, I can do no more.  Emotionally I need some work.

I am risking and I may fail.  The pictures may not be perfect, I may not be perfect.  I need to accept that.  To embrace imperfection.  These were the feelings of self doubt lead me to the book store to buy a copy of Brene Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection.  

Driving to the store, P!nk was on the radio.  I was singing along to her song, Less Than Perfect.  I had a light bulb aha! moment.


Back in January I emailed P!nk's you tube video to my fifteen year old daughter. I wanted her to know that no matter what she is perfect to me, and she should believe that of herself.  

I'm on my way to buy a book to help me accept and embrace imperfection, and realize the message that I've been giving my daughter is that she is perfect.

Here I am 37 years old, struggling to let go of perfection, telling my daughter she is perfect.  In twenty years will she be on her way to a book store feeling the same way about perfection as I am today? 

Instead of telling her (and myself) that she has to strive for perfection, maybe the message should be that she is enough.  That she will doubt herself.  Sometimes she will be afraid.  She may fail.  She may be disappointed.  She won't always be perfect, or believe she is perfect.  And that is part of her journey. Any vulnerabilities and fears she has  is what makes her human. 

She is enough.  I am enough.

How Things Stack Up

I have spent many hours playing blocks with my kids.  With care we would stack the blocks on on top of the other, as high as we could.   We built until either we ran out of blocks, we ran out of interest or the tower crashed to the floor.   So proud were the occasions that we successfully built our castles with every block in the bag. If the tower crashed, we would take the lessons we learned about structure, balance and strong foundations to rebuild a better, stronger palace.   

Life stacks up in much the same way as those colourful building blocks.  Seemingly small choices in your life can turn into something amazing.  My friend Jen started walking each night after dinner.  One step at a time, one choice at a time she not only lost weight but has become one of those crazy runners that will run in any weather (just kidding Jen, you know I love you.)  This weekend Jen will run the Around the Bay race, a 30km run.  One step at a time, one choice at a time. 

Alternatively, crappy choices can stack up and cause your castle to crash. 

I've found it's not the big decisions that cause your castle to crash.  The big, life altering choices are the ones that you think long and hard about the ones where sit down to make a pro and con list. 

No, it's the small decisions that can come up and bite you in the butt.  The small choices are the ones that make up life.  The choice to eat the donut or not, to go for the walk, to save up your pennies for a rainy day or blow a bit of extra cash on a new pair of shoes.  It's little, everyday decisions like these the when you reflect back on let you know how things, how life stacks up. 

Phew, that was long winded.

The whole point of me blogging about stacks is because Week 3 of Picture Inspiration had us looking for stacks.  Tracey encouraged us to not only look for stacks but to play photo stylists and create our own stacks.  After all the talk about building blocks, you would think that I chose to photograph a  block castle. 

Nope. 

Jello.  The boys and I made rainbow jello in honour of St. Patricks Day.  Rainbow layers!

Totally unrelated to building blocks, but enjoy none the less. 

.

Go shorty

it's my birthday

gonna party like it's my birthday

gonna sip Bacardi like its my birthday

you know i don't give a -

cause its my birthday

I love birthdays.  I love my birthday.  My birthday is my day to shine.  My day to celebrate me.  To make wishes for my future.  To believe those wishes can come true.  Birthdays are all about new beginnings. 

I love beginnings.  The start of a new season, the first entry in a new journal, babies and  the intro Everlong by the Foo Fighters are some of my favorite beginnings. 

What's not to love about beginnings?  No mistakes, full of promise. 

Today, as a birthday gift to myself, I am beginning my second 365.  A picture a day for a year, version two.   here we go....happy birthday to me.


1/365
Sunrise - nothing says new beginnings like a sunrise after the worse snowstorm of the season.

Moon Chaser

August 2009



March 2010

March 2010

August 2010

November 2010

February 2011

March 2011 -super moon

March 2011 - super moon

I love photographing the moon.  But, getting a great image of the moon is tricky.  I certainly wouldn't call myself an expert.  Over the past few years, I have learned a few tricks:

•  use a tripod or set your camera on a stable surface
• shoot early - either in the evening or morning, when the sky isn't as dark
• spot meter the moon
• add other elements into the picture for more interest - (tree branches, city lights, roof tops, etc.)
• use a zoom lens
• bring a flashlight out with you so you can see your camera's buttons and dials
• don't get so excited that you forget all you know :)

Next time you see a beautiful moon, get out and give moon photography a try.  Like any challenge the rewards are worth it. 

What's Your Motif?

Motif:

1. a recurring subject, theme, idea, etc., especially in a literary, artistic, or musical work.
2. a distinctive and recurring form, shape, figure, etc., in a design, as in a painting or on wallpaper.
3. a dominant idea or feature



  Picture Inspiration asked us to look for and photograph motifs in our everyday lives.  When I went looking around my home for patterns, they were hard to find.  I realized  that I am not a pattern person.  I have stripes, plaids, and polka dots but very few patterns in my home.  I'm hoping that next week I will be more inspired from the prompt.  sigh.

Cottage Life

After Dad's birthday lunch, we raced home from the restaurant to pack the Durango for an over night stay at  a friends cottage.  We had been warned to bring the four wheel drive because the road into the cottage is steep and tricky to maneuver.  It was a tight squeeze to get the five of us and our gear into the SUV, but we managed.  I was surprised that I enjoyed drive. I think the awesome play list Hubby made for the trip helped well, that and the 2 glasses of wine at lunch.  Plus,  I knew that the three and a half hours of "downtime" with my family was much needed.   

  The cottage road was as treacherous as promised.  The hills were as steep as I expected.  The narrow road was covered in a layer of ice and snow (not expected), with steep embankments on either side (also not expected.)  Finally after a twenty minute white knuckled drive, I was able to exhale when we arrived at Dave and Christine's cottage. 

  Nestled amongst the tall trees with the embankment acting as a cradle, the cottage is part of community of about four vacation homes.  Looking up at the trees makes you feel small.  The cottage itself is bright, spacious and beautiful, but still felt cozy, warm and friendly.  Just like my cottage growing up. 

  I started thinking about the magic of cottage life.  What is it about the cottage that makes everyday routines so special?

  Cottage life is all about simple pleasures.  It's about family and friends and leaning on each other for support and entertainment.  It's about telling stories, sharing memories, and making new ones. Cottaging is about exploring, finding adventure, about relaxing.  Cottaging brings you back to nature, and reminds you that you and your problems are part of a bigger story unfolding just as it should. 

 

sharing some laughs

the men

craft time

Dad's Birthday

Saturday,  the whole fam damily celebrated my dad's 70th birthday. Recently my father remarked to me that if he lives to see ten more birthdays he would consider himself lucky. Seventy. Ten years. The thought of it takes my breath away, and not in a good way.

I wouldn't call myself a daddy's girl, but I suppose I am.  Even though I can't remember the last time or even a time period where I ever called him Daddy.  Athough I'm sure I did when I was little.

It's hard to put our relationship into words. Maybe because there hasn't been too many words. Neither one of us are very good at laying our hearts on the line. To be honest, we haven't needed a lot of conversation.   He loves me and is proud of me.  I feel it, no need for words.

 

i love this picture.

blowing out the candles with his grandsons.