Friday, June 24, 2011

Growing Into Himself.

We are in the home stretch.
The last days of school, before summer vacation.

I've been so busy that all of a sudden it hit me.  Every year summer breezes in, bringing  a flood of emotion for me.  I think about how much the kids have learned, how far they have come since September.  June is the time of year I am so proud my heart could burst. 

This year is a big one.  Kenzie is writing exams, finishing her first year of high school.  Charlie is finishing Kindergarten - moving on to Grade one and full time enrollment.  And Josh is graduating grade eight.

Josh is heading off to high school.

I remember years ago, getting Josh ready for school, and getting the school ready for Josh.   Our first meeting with the school was the June before he started Kindergarten.  John and I walked in the conference room, and were met with a room full of faces.  The principal, the vice principal,  the special education teacher, a representative from the Halton autism team, his nursery school teacher, and us.  The janitor wasn't able to make it.

I made it through that first meeting without having an emotional breakdown.  But rest assured, there have been a couple since.  Over the years, I have learned (the hard way) that regardless of how frustrated, angry or afraid I may be at these meetings, anything other than breaking out in mild sweat takes away from our credibility as Josh's advocates.   

Watching Josh grow up is like watching a child grow up in slow motion.  He needed speech therapy to learn how to talk.  A physical therapist came to the school to teach him balance and coordination, not that he would use these skills.  For a long time Josh was pulled out of gym class so that he could receive one on one time with the special education teacher learning literacy skills.  As he grew older, time was set aside for Josh to have basic social skills taught to him.  He learned and mastered the incredible five point scale.  A tool to help him identify his triggers and moods, so that his melt downs at school would almost disappear. 

Once Josh reached the middle school years, the stakes got higher.  Kids who tolerated, and were even friendly to him started to pull away as they fought for their own footing on the popularity ladder.  Josh struggled with feelings of depression as he tried so hard to learn how to fit in.  He calls this time in his life as "the blues." 

To help him gain the teen social skills he needed, I got to work, trying to teach the skills that the rest of us take for granted.  I made him a set of Pokemon social skills cards.  Each card had one of his favorite Pokemon characters with a social skill he could learn from that character.  For example the Charizard card: Charizard's fire burns hotter if he has experienced harsh battles.  Be like Charizard and remember - some days are harsh, but they will make you stronger.  And from the Jynx card: Jynx's cries sound like human speech, but no one can understand it. - sometimes people don't understand why you cry.  Try using your words to resolve your conflicts.  By the way, I recently found out the man who created Pokemon is on the autism spectrum. 

 Together we worked through The Social Success workbook for Teens.  We read  The Rules of Life and The Social Skill Picture Book for High School and Beyond.  He learned skills like how to start conversations, how to know when someone isn't interested in your story, how to call a friend,  and which urinal is the best to choose in a public washroom (not the one RIGHT beside the other dude.)

Every gain Josh has made he has worked for. Hard.  Over the years, he has had some awesome teachers and educational assistants that have worked along side of Josh and our family.  Thank you to the teachers who have made a difference in Josh's life.  Each teacher had a slightly different approach, each one sparking new paths of knowledge in Josh. 

I have hope and I am optimistic that in high school the teachers will see the same sweet boy who is struggling to fit in and understand.  I have hope that the teachers in his new school will also make a difference. 
Hope.  It's kind of a scary thing, because hope offers no guarantees.

I have seen how far he has come. I have watched him grow.  Like I said before, raising a child on the spectrum is like raising a child in slow motion.   So even without a guarantee, I know at the end of the next four years he will become a kind, capable, independent young man.  He may have to work harder than his peers, "the blues" may return, but I know he is on his way.  Growing into himself at his own pace.

Isn`t that all any of us as parents can hope for?

Monday, June 13, 2011

On His Way

This morning Josh left for his 4 day trip to Quebec with the school.  He packed light, one duffel bag, one backpack, but even with his light load I'm sure he is ready for this. 
I'm sure he's ready.  I'm sure he will be okay.  I keep telling myself this.

I explain having a child on the spectrum as having a child growing up in slow motion.  Josh has typically been slower than other boys to reach his milestones.  My husband and I knew that for Josh's last year of grade school, Josh's resiliency skills and social skills would need to be strengthened.   His readiness for the Quebec trip, and his transition into high school have been the focus of our case conferences. 

The gains he has made this year amaze me.  That's not to say that he hasn't had his moments, but considering what he has to deal with, but I couldn't be prouder how he has handled himself.

So, I should be confident, and I am.  I am not nearly the crying, sobbing mess I was this time last year when the first born had her trip to Quebec.  But just to be sure, I picked up The Orb in Josh's room and asked if he would be fine.  Unclear.   Great.  Just a word of advice, don't second guess your intuition with a toy fortune teller.   He will be fine, he is ready, he can do this. 



  

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Almost everyone...

  A few weeks ago, we were able to have a family barbecue at my sister in laws home.  She lives on a rural property just outside of the city, so barbecues at her home definitely have a country charm.  I mean, I can have chicken at my barbecue, but it would be on the grill, not running around the backyard.
  I planned a sleep over, because hubby was on call and I didn't want to drive home in the dark.  Okay, let's be honest here, I didn't want to drive in the dark AND, I wanted to drink - what's a family barbecue without alcohol?
  Everyone hoped that John would be able to make an appearance.  It turned out that for some reason, his on call was super busy, and he was only able to pop in for an hour or so, get some food, and head out again.  But for an hour or so, we were able to have almost everyone together.
  Almost everyone.  Missing was the family that started it all.  Gramma and her family.  Gramma's daughter, Gail, my mother in law.  Gramma's son, Gary, and of course her husband, Grandpa.  I looked out the window while I was washing up some dishes, and felt an overwhelming pang of sadness.  I couldn't help but think how much the "original" family would have loved to be there, and how proud they must be of the family they have left behind.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Little Monkeys


I think I am a pretty good mom.  I am certainly proud of my kids; I love and respect them.  In raising my children, each have helped reveal parts of myself that I never knew existed - or maybe these parts would never have existed with out my three kids.  What I am waiting for is one of the three kids to help reveal that part of me that loves the indoor play experience. 
Yes, I am that mom.  The one who will make mud pies, go to the beach, cheer my kids on, cry with them, the mom who will try her best not to take over the science project (even though I want to).  I am the mom who will get down on the floor and play with my kids.  I am the mom who attends school concerts and graduations, in a stuffy over crowded auditorium, tearing up and beaming with pride.  But, I am not the mom who loves the indoor gym. 
Last week, with The Little Man's cousin visiting from Nova Scotia we planned a field trip to Little Monkey's, an indoor play centre here in our town. I couldn't help but notice the similarities between the indoor gym and a night club.  Both have big lounge-y leather couches.  Both have an area to sweat it out (one a dance floor, one a large climber.) Both have rooms off to the side for private parties.  Both have an arcade section - the play centre equipped with air hockey and the bar with pool tables.  And both the indoor gym and the night club have a bar.  Now only if the indoor gym served alcohol, then maybe I would be that mom.  The mom who loves a Little Monkey's type experience.    
the reason why I go to these places:  the joy on the kids faces. totally worth it.

breaking for lunch.  and yes, i was that mom - the one who packed "fruit" gummies, otherwise known as 100% pure refined sugar.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Bravo

At the zoo on Sunday I was inspired by this artist.  His commitment to his art, his honesty, and his courage to be himself, encouraged me to do something I never do.  I approached him and asked if I could take his photograph.  I think it is my favorite shot of the day.


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

32/365 - 42/365

32/365 April 25 - Basket Case - Laundry is one of those never ending household chores.  As soon as it's completed, the piles start again.  I spent my day sorting, soaking, washing, folding and putting away.  Not very exciting, but productive and I feel like I've beat the beast.



33/365 - April 26 - Gifts - I like to give hand made gifts.  I am a photographer. Probably enough said (and most likely, too much information ~hehe)




27/365 - April 27 - Ordinary - This could be any day in any town.  But this random, out of focus  picture reflects how I've been feeling lately.



35/365 - April 28 - Muse - This tea light that hangs from a tree in our back yard has become my muse.  I don't know what draws me to it, but I've photographed it many times.  This morning I captured it with the sun rising in the background and the morning dew sparkling on the glass.


36/365 - April 29 - Intimacy - A perfect find on our anniversary, but for obvious reasons (three kids) this statue remained in the garden centre we found it at.


37/365 - April 30 - Just Us - For a few more hours its just us.  Leaving makes me want to cry.  This little over nighter reminded me the importance of getting away.  I can't wait to get camping season started. 



38/365 - May 1 - One Candle, Eighty-Five Years. -  I love the interaction in this picture of John and his Gramma.  He is looking at her in such a sweet, protective way - and she looks so excited to blow out her candle and eat her cupcake!



39/365 - May 2 - Monday Craft Day - The Little Man showing off his artistic ability.



40/365 - May 3 - Kind Drop - Cards from Kind Over Matter.  Read more here.



41/365 - May 4 - Brown Eyes and Freckles - The Little Man and I were snuggling in my bed this morning, and I thought that he looked particularly sweet.




42/365 - A Perfect Spring Day - I love when the trees first come into foliage.  The trees look like they have been dabbed with bright green paint.  Add a bright blue sky, fluffy white clouds and a little sun flare, and you have my idea of a perfect spring day.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Happy Mother's Day ~ from You Tube





Making Time

Hubby and I were able to sneak away on a sleepover date night to celebrate our sixteenth wedding anniversary. 

(Thanks Cindy for taking my rug rats!) It was so needed and so appreciated.

Twenty four hours of uninterrupted time with my husband.  Focusing on us.  Reminiscing, laughing, relaxing.  Taking time to care for our most important connection.  Making time for each other.

a few pictures from our mini vacation - even the artwork screamed love, check out the bunnies and the rock statue!


Kind Drops

The past few weeks have been tough.  I could blame it on  the cold, wet, windy April days ~ but more likely my slump had more to do with feeling pushed to the limit than the weather.  So I pushed back.  With kindness.

Kind Over Matter is a site dedicated to inspirational stories, creativity, and of course kindness.  KOM is overflowing with positivity, a warm place to go with a cup of coffee and re-fuel.  One of my favorite features (and the one that got me hooked on the site) are the printable  kind drops.  

I've wanted to do my own Kind Drops for a while now.  My crappy week gave me the push I needed to go out and create my own positivity.  I dropped my kindness cards at the library, the dollar store, Tim Horton's, the park and the school bulletin board.     


I loved doing these random acts of kindness.  As I dropped my kind cards, I wondered to myself, who would find them?  Was it possible that these little cards would be enough to turn someones day around?  I hoped so.  It certainly made me feel better. 

How do you push back when life has got you down? 

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Sixteen

we were young,
best friends,
the first of our friends to get married.

i'm pretty sure that at least a few
of our wedding guests 
thought that we would fall apart.

and to be honest, even though

i loved him and he loved me,
part of me questioned
what the heck i was doing?
i believed that anything i wanted to do in my life,
i wanted to do with john beside me.
cheering me on, laughing with me, loving me.

and through it all,
the hard times that were harder either of us expected,
the good times that have been sweeter than i could ever have hoped for,
we didn't fall apart.

i still believe that anything that i want to do in life
i want to do with john beside me.
cheering me on, laughing with me, loving me,
falling together.


 

23/365 - 31/365


23/365 - April 16 - Drops on Dogwood - 




24/365 - April 17 - Desiderata




25/365 - April 18 - Boogie Nights



26/365 - Trickery - With some fancy editing this picture that was taken in the middle of the day, looks like it happened in the wee hours of the night.



27/365 - April 20 - Rain Drop




28/365 - April 21 - Soar




29/365 - April 22 - Earth Day Nature Walk





30/365 - April 23 - RUN!!!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Easter Weekend






We had a great weekend and I took a TON of pictures.  I wanted to share them all, so here it is; my first video post.  Enjoy!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

One Day, Someday.

I stood on my front lawn, my chest shaking and tears welling up in my eyes.  Above me, a parade of four seater sesnas were circling overhead.  My daughter was in one.

Kenzie was on a grade nine geography trip.  As part of her study on urban sprawl, the teacher arranged a field trip to fly around the city.
What was it about my daughter flying directly above me that caused my emotions to bubble to the surface?  A sense of relief?  Pride?  Absolute and pure joy?  All of those reasons, plus something so much more, a feeling I can't quite put into words, but reminds me of a line from one of my favorite story books, Someday by Alison Meghee. 

"Someday you will look at this house and wonder how something that feels so big can look so small,"

And one day, someday, our home wont look small because she is looking out of a plane window. Our home will look small because she has grown into the beautiful woman I know she will be.  One day, someday, she will have her own successes, home, family and life - and it's my hope that when she thinks back to her childhood, she will be filled with feelings so intensely joy full that her own emotions bubble to the surface.


Thursday, April 21, 2011

Dance Nights

I'm a terrible dancer.


Not kind of bad, really bad.  Think Kate from Dancing with the Stars, or Elaine from Seinfeld and you'll get an idea of my dance ability.  Not being a great dancer has never stopped me from breaking out into random dance moves.  Often times, I will put on my IPod, or turn the stereo up and have my own dance party. 

My husband isn't a great dancer either so I don't feel that I am holding him back.  On our wedding day, we stumbled through U2's All I Want is You.  As awkward as it was, it was the best six minutes of my wedding day.  Because even though I can't dance, I love to dance.

Early in our marriage money was tight.  Music and dance became a way for the family have fun and connect.  We would have Friday night dance parties with the kids.  It was so cute to watch our little blond ragamuffins dancing to their favourite songs.  Later, once the kids were put to bed, the tempo would slow, and the music would get turned down. John and I would have the dance floor to ourselves.  Our Friday night dance parties are some of my sweetest memories of our life together. 

We still have family dance parties, they are just more random now.  Just the other evening we cranked up the tunes and danced for an hour or so.  My boys and I cut up the rug.  The Kid and her Dad didn't get up to bust a move, but I could tell that they were both enjoyed the nostalgia of the moment.  The evening ended with a slow dance.  Charlie and I danced to  U2's One. 

Our dance parties that remind me how sweet life is.  I will hold these memories close to my heart forever.  I have blessed - with two left feet and a family loves my quirky moves.




Friday, April 15, 2011

15/365 - 24/365 ~ Project 365



15/365 - April 8 - Stop Light - Sometimes being forced to come to a halt is a good thing.



16/365 - April 9 - Sunday Morning - After sleeping in on Sunday, I walked by my room.  The bed still unmade and the sun shining in - something about it made my heart smile and I had to get a picture.



17/365 - April 10 - The Squirt - Not only did The Little Man water the bushes, he also washed my van with his new squirt gun.



18/365 - April 11 - Frozen in Time - It was a windy day.  I kept thinking it would rain, but the wind pushed the rain clouds away.  I spent the afternoon on the back deck, cleaning and putting together our little fountain.  Charlie helped me place the rocks.  When I thought about what I wanted to remember about this day, I knew it would be the time we spent on the deck.  The Little Man and I have spent so many afternoons on our back deck.  Next year when he is in school full time, our quiet afternoons together will be over.  It makes me wish that I had the superpower to stop time.  Like the way the water in the fountain is frozen in time, caught midair with the click of my shutter.  



19/365 - April 12 - Reflections - Picture Inspiration asked us to look for and capture an image of a reflection - without actually capturing the object itself.  This is a picture of the tree in my backyard reflected on the patio table.  I hate these trees.  They are dead, and need to be taken down, but finances have not allowed it.  Somehow, reflected in the table, the lines of the bare branches transform.  They become graceful.  It's another reminder of how a change in your outlook, can be all you need to discover gifts normally unseen.



20/365 - April 13 - Napping in the Sun - Is anything  better than an afternoon nap in the sun?  Okay, I can think of lots of things too, but you have to admit this pretty little kitty sure looks peaceful. 



21/365 - April 14 - House of Cards - While I was stripping wallpaper, John was going through some of his Gramma's things.  He came across this deck of cards he remembered from his childhood.  His grandparents moved these cards from their old apartment in Port Credit more than twenty years ago. 



22/365 - April 15 - His Riches -  I walked by the Little Man's room to find that he had dumped his piggy bank.  I wondered what his plans were for his money.  When his Dad got home from work, Charlie said to his dad, "Hey Dad, I got us some money to go to slushie store."  A sure sign of spring; after dinner walks to the corner store to buy slushies.

Playing House - the reality.

The ache for home lives in all of us,
the safe place where we can go
as we are and not be questioned.
-Maya Angelou
  

Like many little girls, my favourite game to play was house. Taking care of my family of Cabbage Patch Kids, brought me such joy. I spent many hours imagining what my home would look and feel like. My reality - my grown up home, is so much sweeter than anything I could have dreamt up in my childhood games.   I have been blessed.  Hopefully for many years to come my reality will be better than my dreams, but life moves on.

Yesterday, we moved Gramma into long term care.  My head knows that this is what is best for her, but my heart aches for her.  

My heart is breaking for the little girls inside all of us women who played house and dreamed about our futures. 

This wasn't part of her dream.  It's not part of any of our dreams.   

This is what I've been thinking about as I strip the wallpaper in her apartment.  I am stripping away the layers of her dreams.  Crazy, I know - but still part of me feels guilty.  I don't think that the guilt is a bad thing. I believe that my feelings of guilt are there for a reason.  The guilty feelings sit on my shoulder like a conscience.  Not heavy or too much to bear, but a comfortable weight, just enough to help keep me in check.  The weight reminds me to give the job, Gramma, her apartment and her possessions the respect and consideration that is deserved.   

My hope is that Burloak will soon become more than a residence for Gramma.  A safe community where she has all she needs to thrive.  My hope is that Burloak becomes her home - maybe not one that dreamed for herself, but one better than any of her wildest dreams. 


Our home



Our current home is the  fith place we have lived together.

I wonder where the future will take us?

Monday, April 11, 2011

Seriously?!?

"Guess what today is?  It has to do with me, and buying me presents." 
 That's what my son's friend called out when he came over after school today. 

  Seriously? 

This from the kid, who didn't invite Josh to his party. 
This from the kid who comes to my home everyday after school.
This from the kid who has been Josh's best friend since grade two. 

I can be the adult here.
If Josh can take it with a grain of salt, then I can too.

"Happy Birthday Joe."

There I did it.
With steam coming out of my ears, but I did it.

"Did you get me anything?" he asked.

You've got to be kidding me.
Why is he poking Mama Bear?

"Did you invite me to your party?"
There goes my adult card.

"No."

"Did you invite me to your party" pipes up my son.

"No."

"Then no, I didn't get you anything."

geesh.

Friday, April 8, 2011

2/365 - 14/365


2/365 - March 25 -Focus - The Little Man has been loving craft time lately.  Almost everyday he is asking to do a craft.  Figures, I move the craft cupboard off the main floor and he all of a sudden wants to do crafts every chance he gets.  


3/365 - March 26 - Nap Time - Hubby taking a well deserved nap.  He has been working crazy hours.  It worries me when he works his body so hard. 



3/365 - March 27 - Birds of a Feather - The birds are back!  I love to hearing the birds singing.  Their songs are especially cheerful in the spring when the mister birds are looking for a lady bird to hook up with. 



4/365 - March 28 - Violets - I love gardening, but in my current home the light is poor and my inside plants don't do well.  These violets are a new addition, purchased to bring a little spring into my house.  I hope they live past spring, but it's doubtful. 



5/365 - March 29 - To Infinity and Beyond - Playing around with depth of field, as part of my Picture Inspiration class. 



6/365 - March 30 - Reflection of Me - In my new candlesticks, a birthday present from John.  Thanks babe, xo



7/365 - March 31 - Drops of Rain -



8/365 - April 1 - Fooling Around - Actually I was practicing for my photo shoot.  The kids were at school, and the cats wouldn't sit still so I used leftover balloons from my birthday. 



9/365 - April 2 - Pretty Boy - Today was the big photo shoot day.  The family asked me not to post pictures online.  I totally understood, but I was a little disappointed.  Instead I'm counting this one of Sam as my 365.  Isn't he pretty?




10/365 - April 3 - SNOW?!? - Okay, enough already.  I am so done with winter and white stuff falling from the sky.  I can only hope it melts fast.



11/365 - April 4- Go Fish - Today was Monday, and you know what that means?  Crafts with the Little Man.  Today we made paper fish, and went fishing. 



12/365 - April 5 - Sailboat Reflection - This weeks prompt for Picture Inspiration had us looking to capture reflections.  Not just the reflection, but the object + the reflection.  There were so many beautiful images in the gallery.  Here is one of my attempts.  I have tried lots of different ideas for the Reflection prompt, but I'm not thrilled with any of them.  I'll try again tomorrow. 



13/365 - April 6 - Evening on the Water - John and I went to visit Gramma tonight.  Park Manor is just steps away from my high school, and Lasalle Park Marina - my old stomping grounds, so to speak.  Even though we were running late, I asked if we could stop by the Marina before going to see Gramma.  I wanted to try once more for a killer reflection shot.  With John waiting in the running car, I jumped out to grab a few shots.   Geese hold special meaning to my family, and I am pretty happy with this shot.   



14/365 -April 7 - The View - I went to Gramma's old apartment today to start the task of stripping wallpaper.  I'm pretty sure that this statue is the real reason Gramma has been reluctant to move in the past.